It's strange how sometimes things just call out to you. For me it was the ocean-- angry and cobalt blue with shimmers of cerulean peaking out from underneath the sea foam. No matter how busy I felt inside, the ocean would always bring a stillness to my thoughts like clean hands slowly sifting through flour. My mind would feel so content in comparison to the raging waves crashing upon old, worn down rocks pockmarked with time.
Then beneath the surface, life was exploding in the quiet. The ocean was the womb of the world, where life started and where life would most probably end. I could envision shipwrecks broken and sad yet brimming with a new purpose as life grew from within it's long forgotten body. Sometimes I felt like a shipwreck, too: waiting for my new purpose to breathe life into this lonely vessel. Maybe that's why the ocean called out to me. I could hear it's song which was a hum of mysterious long forgotten memories-- all of the earth's history in a single, lingering note suspended in the space between the fog of my breath and the icy cold of the water.
I could feel the salt of the sea in my bones as they ached upon the dampened sand. Grains upon grains upon grains of stone that were once mighty rocks, now fallen and eroded. The echoes of old life hung in the air around me as I looked out into our universe on earth: the ocean, old and lonely as I felt yet brimming with life.
Monday, May 12, 2014
Thursday, January 16, 2014
People who looked like Royal Intergalactic Ambassadors at the 2014 Golden Globes
image from buzzfeed.com
Kate Beckinsale
I feel like she is the personification of an organic space ship. I just get those vibes.
Kate Beckinsale
I feel like she is the personification of an organic space ship. I just get those vibes.
image from buzzfeed.com
Helen Mirren
I'm nominating Helen Mirren as Ambassador For Earth!
I'm nominating Helen Mirren as Ambassador For Earth!
image from buzzfeed.com
Mila Kunis
Yes she is in this category too because that dress+side eye combo deserves nothing less.
Mila Kunis
Yes she is in this category too because that dress+side eye combo deserves nothing less.
image from buzzfeed.com
Uma Thurman
Uma Thurman
Like I can see myself accidentally bowing to her on the street, so she counts for this list.
image from buzzfeed.com
Camilla Alves
SHE IS MADE OUT OF THE FABRIC OF THE UNIVERSE
(we are all made out of the fabric of the universe! FUCKIN SPACE, MAN)
Camilla Alves
SHE IS MADE OUT OF THE FABRIC OF THE UNIVERSE
(we are all made out of the fabric of the universe! FUCKIN SPACE, MAN)
image from buzzfeed.com
Olivia Wilde
Olivia Wilde
Ha-ha, she's a mother-board, get it?
image from buzzfeed.com
Kate Mara
Kate Mara
She looks like an alien. Which is rad. Just so rad.
image from buzzfeed.com
Gabourey Sidibe
Gabourey Sidibe
Freaking holographic pearlescent fabric made out of some tropical alien silk, damn. Plus, she just floats.
image from buzzfeed.com
Lily Rabe
Lily Rabe
BAD BITCH LILY RABE FROM UNIVERSE SECTOR NINE Y'ALL
image from buzzfeed.com
Lupita Nyong'o
Lupita Nyong'o
OF COURSE SHE GETS BOTH LISTS. HER DRESS. HAS A. BUILT. IN. CAPE.
image from buzzfeed.com
Margot Robbie
Margot Robbie
Look into her soulless artificial eyes. That, my friends, is an Ambassador-Bot. Representing for the only free A.I only planet this side of our supermassive blackhole.
Amber Heard
From now on we call her Empress Lilandra. Just sayin'
From now on we call her Empress Lilandra. Just sayin'
Harlow x
People who looked like Amazonian Warrior Princesses at the 2014 Golden Globes
Photo from Buzzfeed.com
Maria Menounos
Ok, like an intergalactic valkyrie or something? I've decided I need to make an intergalactic golden globes red carpet blog post.
Maria Menounos
Ok, like an intergalactic valkyrie or something? I've decided I need to make an intergalactic golden globes red carpet blog post.
image from buzzfeed.com
Elisabeth MossWHAT IS THAT DRESS MADE OUT OF YOU ASK?
DRAGON SCALES THAT'S WOT
Elisabeth MossWHAT IS THAT DRESS MADE OUT OF YOU ASK?
DRAGON SCALES THAT'S WOT
image from buzzfeed.comEmilia ClarkeMy eyes can't even figure this dress out it looks so 2D like.. pixels? Argh, maybe like the print of a mighty beast slain? Khaleeeeesi....
image frome buzzfeed.comLupita Nyong'oHER DRESS. HAS A. BUILT. IN. CAPE
For royal swishy business and stealthy getaways in the dead of night.
For royal swishy business and stealthy getaways in the dead of night.
image from buzzfeed.comLaura DernI don't even think this one needs explaining
but in case it does
she's a motherfrakking battle maiden gracing the field after the war
looking upon the bodies of the fallen
she steps over their carcasses
it is a new day
but in case it does
she's a motherfrakking battle maiden gracing the field after the war
looking upon the bodies of the fallen
she steps over their carcasses
it is a new day
image from buzzfeed.comAriel WinterWho is this person? Who is she? Because her name is amazing and that dress is amazing-- most likely dyed with the blood of her enemies. Somebody please write some mystery science fiction Nancy Drew in space shit about this girl.
image from buzzfeed.comLizzy CaplanDem's fightin' arms
image from buzzfeed.comEmma ThompsonWhat? You didn't think I'd forget her, did you?
image from buzzfeed.comMila KunisThat side eye is JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF SIDE EYE to compliment that dress with a breastplate forged in dragon fire, I guess.
image from buzzfeed.comJessica Chastain
She's like... she's like... a valkyrie's mother or something.
"Children, stop getting out your swords in public! Honestly, these lil' maidens are little shits, they are." *swigs ale*
"Children, stop getting out your swords in public! Honestly, these lil' maidens are little shits, they are." *swigs ale*
Harlow x
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Paradise (slightly R18, eluding to sexual activity)
*please do not repost text without linking back to this blog.
My little wooden house was at the top of a steep hill and swallowed by the shadows of overbearing trees from sunrise to sunset. Not that the city got much sun, however-- it seemed as though the past few months had been awash in grey, ominous clouds passing above the concrete metropolis looking almost as if they intended to swallow us. When I tried to think back to what I had done all year it felt like a series of drugged-up motions, like walking in one spot as a revolving canvas of monotonous landscapes slid past me. I was on a lot of medications, and though my limbs felt heavy in waking life, they felt heavier in my dreams. I'd wake up gasping for air, my arms turned to jelly and a vibration between my temples. I tried often not to fall asleep.
This day, I was sitting on the rugged concrete of my porch overlooking the stagnant scenery. I was hanging onto a rosary around my neck that a homeless man had once given me. He had said, "Find your God." He didn't say to find God, as such, but my God; whatever that meant. I thought it was a cheap curiousity anyway and had worn it ever since. Perhaps one day I would find my God. I loved tacky thoughts like that.
Behind my house a dense forest ascended up even more hills, with nothing more than a thin dirt track parting the way for those wanting to explore the foliage. All year round the smell of dirt clung to the thick, humid air. I could be walking up the path in the middle of the day and still feel like I was 6 feet underground.
Like every other day, I had absolutely nothing to do and no money to spend so I set off upon the narrow track that lead deeper into the woods. It was a precarious path with jagged rocks seeking out soft soled travelers, and patches of slippery mud and gravel. On either side of me were dirt banks covered in moss, fungus and the thin capillaries of the plants that sat above me, networking like the outside of a membrane. The more I walked, the more I started to become level with the trees and soon the smell of dirt was mixed with the rich smell of damp wood and nature. Every so often a strange rotten smell would creep into my nose and I'd scour the tops of the trees for dead bodies hanging over head, or watch my steps in case I stood on an animal carcass. I breathed strongly out of my nose and whispered to myself, "the dead can't hurt me," and I slowed my pace to take in the greenery that surrounded me.
Soon the forest was being divided intermittently by large mounds of beige dirt that looked homes to all sorts of bugs and rodents. Turning my head to the west I could start to see out from the trees and onto the ocean lapping at the edges of the city. I came across one mound in particular that was bigger than the rest, and though it was plagued by burrows of varying sizes from all sorts of creatures there was one in particular that caught my eye. The bottom of the mound had been hollowed out, creating the effect of a miniature cave big enough for a small child to maybe stand up in. Instead of a floor there was what looked to be a burrow, though it was slightly bigger than that of a rabbits. I felt compelled to climb into to hole just by my love of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland alone but instead I crouched down beside it and looked into what I thought would be darkness.
Instead the burrow was shallow and I could see a slanted floor. I sighed, my lust for mystery and adventure dying before it even got a chance to live. I threw a stone into the hole and watched it roll down from the highest point of it's floor to the lowest... and then it kept going. Curious, I put my hand down the burrow. I first touched the dirt I could see which was damp and almost clay-like, then I curved my arm around and shoved it down the side where I had seen the stone disappear to. It was definitely a tunnel, and whats more-- it was big. I could only feel the two sides curving upwards to the ceiling. The floor of the initial hole dropped off gradually until it ceased to exist.
I had lowered my hand so far down that the entirety of it was in the tunnel and I still couldn't feel anything but air and cobwebs. I figured I would be able to fit, albeit uncomfortably, and weighed up the pros and cons of trying to slip inside. The thought of it being a bottomless pit entered my mind, but I brushed it off as being childish and silly. There would be a bottom to the tunnel eventually, and how deep could it be anyway? If an animal had made it, they wouldn't make it so large that they couldn't get out. I decided I'd slide my body in feet first and see if I could find a surface to stand on, if not I'd pull myself out and go home. Maybe I'd make soup for dinner. It was one of those days.
I looked around to see if anyone was coming up or down the path. It was eerily quiet except for the rustling of the leaves amongst the bored wind. Every so often a bird would sing, it's song soon swallowed by a demanding silence. The atmosphere was like the feeling you get when you try to trap air in your lungs for too long, but I was used to feeling uneasy.
I took a deep breath and crawled into the dirt mound, positioning myself so that my boots slanted towards the entrance to the tunnel. I slid them in and carefully edged further into the hole until my ankles hung off of the angled floor and seemed to vibrate in the nothingness. I kept going and soon my knees were hanging off the edge too, and then I was lying on my back, my spine arched. I still couldn't feel anything except a solid dirt wall behind me. A small spider crawled onto my arm and I lost my balance for a moment as I panicked trying to brush it off. I slid a little bit but managed to catch myself. I peered out onto the path-- no one was there. I took a deep breath of relief; that would have looked awfully embarrassing.
I decided to turn myself around awkwardly onto my stomach and edge down some more. I felt ridiculous and kept telling myself to give up and go home, and I nearly did... until the tip of my boot felt something hard. I inched in further and put down pressure with my toes-- it was definitely the floor of the tunnel. Only my neck and head were visible from the path now and so I closed my eyes, held my breath and let myself fall inside what I had now dubbed "the rabbit hole."
I couldn't quite stand upright and had to shrink my neck into my shoulders. It was pitch black inside and my eyes refused to adjust so I fumbled for my phone in my jeans pocket and flicked on the small LED torch light above the screen. I looked around me. Dirt, lots of dirt. Cobwebs, tree roots and stones. It smelled like the forest times a hundred and I scrunched up my nose at the richness of it. In front of me, the tunnel kept going but it didn't go straight, it went down and curved to my right a bit. I raised my hand to feel for the edge of the burrow I had entered in and only just felt it. Convinced I could get out again, I followed the path that the tunnel had laid out for me and descended into the unknown.
Eventually, the ceiling got higher and I was able to stand upright. I had been walking for about ten minutes and hadn't encountered anything but a large spider that I had killed by kicking it against the wall with my shoe. In hindsight I felt I may have reacted a little too intensely and almost felt bad for the bug. Here I was in someone else's home, murdering it's inhabitants. I paused as I smelt something new.
Don't ever believe someone when they tell you heat doesn't have a smell, because it does. Like body odour mixed with soft wood, kind of like a sauna. I could smell it now, and soon beads of sweat were sliding down the side of my face. I wiped at my forehead with the back of my sleeve and considered turning back. I didn't.
Still descending, I took off my jacket and tied it around my waist; the warmth becoming more and more uncomfortable. I turned what seemed to be an unnaturally sharp corner and the floor evened out. There was something curious in front of me, but I couldn't tell if it was my eyes getting used to the cellphone lit darkness or if it were really there, so I turned off the light and prepared my eyes for absolute darkness.
Except it never came.
A little ways in front of me the light of a flame was causing part of the tunnel to flicker in and out of grey and orange. Mesmerised, I started towards it. I kept my sight transfixed on the flickering walls and it lead me to another corner. I turned, and the tunnel ended.
If the tunnel was a snake then this was it's head. The ceiling was high above me and I appeared to be in a circular room. Large church candles were everywhere keeping it well lit, and it was warm-- very warm. There was a pool of anxiety rising in my stomach as I realised how strange and unnatural this whole thing was. I felt like I had just stumbled into the den of a serial killer, or a deranged wild person. I had barely even thought about leaving when all the candle flames violently shook and someone stepped from the shadows.
"Don't be afraid," her voice had a slight accent to it, but I couldn't place it. It was deep, yet feminine and I felt myself calmed by the sound.
She stood before me, with a soft look in her eyes seeming as non-threatening as a baby deer. She wore a white linen dress over her caramel toned body and slender figure, though her hips were round and voluptuous, large in comparison to her modest bust. Her hair was black and seemed slightly wet, with some strands clinging to her face and shoulders like dark veins. Her strong jawline and nose seemed Greek in nature though her eyes reminded me of pictures I had seen of Inuits in text books. She wore no make-up, nor no jewelry.
Questions stuck in my throat like the proverbial frog.
"I am Tia," she said, not put off by my silence or what I assumed was a look of fear on my face. She moved closer towards me and although I wanted to take a step back I felt every muscle in my body protest. She brushed her hand against my face, and looked through me. Then, without warning, she kissed me.
Her lips were soft and she tasted sweet. I had never been with a woman before but her touch seemed to seed me with warmth and left me feeling like I had veins of whiskey. Before I could place my arms on her body she pulled away, and I watched the candlelight flicker in her light, golden eyes. I was entranced, but I felt good-- almost giddy, like I was stoned.
"You're so precious," Tia said, in almost a whisper. "You're all so precious."
She was smiling at me, her mouth still closed. I smiled back and her eyes seemed to light up at the gesture.
"I love this world. Don't you? But things are so different since..." she trailed off. "Imagine an endless summer, a paradise-- never too hot and never, ever cold. You could go swimming all the time, feel the breeze on your bare arms... everything is too cold, here."
I nodded, even though I didn't really follow. She was talking about being cold but all I could feel was a thickness of heat against me. It was if I was wearing a heavy fur coat.
"I... I can give you that, I think." She put both of her hands on either side of my face this time. "No, I know it. I can give you perpetual summer. I can give you paradise."
She kissed me, this time passionately, and I kissed back. I felt a hunger growing inside of me, and I threw my arms around her neck and felt the skin of her back. It was smooth and waxy, and I massaged my fingers into it as she started kissing my neck. I didn't know what was happening but I threw my head back. I felt good, I felt strong. Tia felt right.
My jacket fell from around my waist and before I knew what I was doing one of my hands had left Tia and had already unzipped my jeans. I placed that hand in Tia's mane of black hair which felt cool compared to the rest of her. Tia was on her knees now, kissing and biting at my belly. She pulled my jeans down and tugged at my underwear. There was a voice in my head that seemed frightened and shocked, but that voice was faint under the heaviness of my breathing as Tia buried her face between my legs.
I can give you paradise.
Paradise, yes. I felt it. I embodied it, and my legs shook so violently I fell to the floor, doubling over with a painful sort of pleasure. Tia wiped her mouth, and kissed my neck as I gasped for air. That voice I had pushed back was silent, and for a brief moment I felt confused, lost--what was going on? I leaned away from Tia who was staring at me like a curious cat. I pulled my jeans back up weakly, and went to stand. As I did so Tia grabbed my hand, as if to tell me to stop. She pulled me close to her and the skin of her cheek brushed against mine as she whispered in my ear.
"Tell them," she said. "Tell them about paradise. Tell them it is real."
She paused, and I closed my eyes to the sound of her voice.
"Tell them I have risen."
*
I opened my eyes, as the questions I had started to free themselves from my throat. But I wasn't in the room anymore, and Tia was gone. I was lying in the burrow, knee deep in the entrance of the tunnel and right above me a large spider sat in an elaborate web waiting for it's prey.
I abruptly sat up and scrambled out of the burrow onto the side of the road. I looked down at my jeans that were covered in dirt and realised my jacket was gone. I looked around, though slowly, as there was a dull thumping inside my skull. All my limbs seemed to tingle, but it wasn't like when I awoke from my dreams; it was pleasant. I heard footsteps and turned my head to see a man jogging down the path towards me. He slowed as he came closer and eventually stopped in front of me, bending over and placing his hand on his knee for support. He was breathing heavily.
"Are you okay?" he asked me.
I hadn't spoken in a long time, I almost forgot how and my words came out harsh and croaky.
"Paradise." Was the only thing I said.
He wiped sweat off of his head and furrowed his eyebrows.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" He asked, standing upright.
I stood up, though my legs were still shaking. I was about the same height as him and I looked him in the eyes and took off the rosary around my neck. I held it out to him and he received it, looking confused.
"I found her," I said. The words seemed not of my choosing, rather the opposite: they were choosing me. "She has risen." I smiled at him, and he attempted to smile back through a face covered in what seemed to be quickly turning from confusion to fear.
"All right, kid." he said, and he jogged off at a much quicker pace than he had been before. My eyes followed him down the path until him and the sound of his shoes pounding the dirt track had disappeared. The trees were rustling, and I felt a silence inside me. I was warm. Sighing, I started on my way down the path in the direction of my house. I felt tired and heavy yet content. Everything that just happened seemed as if it had happened to someone else, if it had happened at all. Nearly every part of me believed it to be real, though every time I pictured Tia in my head her face was blurred as if I couldn't quite remember it. I looked up at a bird fleeing the forest and flying upwards higher and higher into the sky, and I wondered about what to do next. Perhaps I'd have soup for dinner. It was one of those days.
I continued the descent.
My little wooden house was at the top of a steep hill and swallowed by the shadows of overbearing trees from sunrise to sunset. Not that the city got much sun, however-- it seemed as though the past few months had been awash in grey, ominous clouds passing above the concrete metropolis looking almost as if they intended to swallow us. When I tried to think back to what I had done all year it felt like a series of drugged-up motions, like walking in one spot as a revolving canvas of monotonous landscapes slid past me. I was on a lot of medications, and though my limbs felt heavy in waking life, they felt heavier in my dreams. I'd wake up gasping for air, my arms turned to jelly and a vibration between my temples. I tried often not to fall asleep.
This day, I was sitting on the rugged concrete of my porch overlooking the stagnant scenery. I was hanging onto a rosary around my neck that a homeless man had once given me. He had said, "Find your God." He didn't say to find God, as such, but my God; whatever that meant. I thought it was a cheap curiousity anyway and had worn it ever since. Perhaps one day I would find my God. I loved tacky thoughts like that.
Behind my house a dense forest ascended up even more hills, with nothing more than a thin dirt track parting the way for those wanting to explore the foliage. All year round the smell of dirt clung to the thick, humid air. I could be walking up the path in the middle of the day and still feel like I was 6 feet underground.
Like every other day, I had absolutely nothing to do and no money to spend so I set off upon the narrow track that lead deeper into the woods. It was a precarious path with jagged rocks seeking out soft soled travelers, and patches of slippery mud and gravel. On either side of me were dirt banks covered in moss, fungus and the thin capillaries of the plants that sat above me, networking like the outside of a membrane. The more I walked, the more I started to become level with the trees and soon the smell of dirt was mixed with the rich smell of damp wood and nature. Every so often a strange rotten smell would creep into my nose and I'd scour the tops of the trees for dead bodies hanging over head, or watch my steps in case I stood on an animal carcass. I breathed strongly out of my nose and whispered to myself, "the dead can't hurt me," and I slowed my pace to take in the greenery that surrounded me.
Soon the forest was being divided intermittently by large mounds of beige dirt that looked homes to all sorts of bugs and rodents. Turning my head to the west I could start to see out from the trees and onto the ocean lapping at the edges of the city. I came across one mound in particular that was bigger than the rest, and though it was plagued by burrows of varying sizes from all sorts of creatures there was one in particular that caught my eye. The bottom of the mound had been hollowed out, creating the effect of a miniature cave big enough for a small child to maybe stand up in. Instead of a floor there was what looked to be a burrow, though it was slightly bigger than that of a rabbits. I felt compelled to climb into to hole just by my love of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland alone but instead I crouched down beside it and looked into what I thought would be darkness.
Instead the burrow was shallow and I could see a slanted floor. I sighed, my lust for mystery and adventure dying before it even got a chance to live. I threw a stone into the hole and watched it roll down from the highest point of it's floor to the lowest... and then it kept going. Curious, I put my hand down the burrow. I first touched the dirt I could see which was damp and almost clay-like, then I curved my arm around and shoved it down the side where I had seen the stone disappear to. It was definitely a tunnel, and whats more-- it was big. I could only feel the two sides curving upwards to the ceiling. The floor of the initial hole dropped off gradually until it ceased to exist.
I had lowered my hand so far down that the entirety of it was in the tunnel and I still couldn't feel anything but air and cobwebs. I figured I would be able to fit, albeit uncomfortably, and weighed up the pros and cons of trying to slip inside. The thought of it being a bottomless pit entered my mind, but I brushed it off as being childish and silly. There would be a bottom to the tunnel eventually, and how deep could it be anyway? If an animal had made it, they wouldn't make it so large that they couldn't get out. I decided I'd slide my body in feet first and see if I could find a surface to stand on, if not I'd pull myself out and go home. Maybe I'd make soup for dinner. It was one of those days.
I looked around to see if anyone was coming up or down the path. It was eerily quiet except for the rustling of the leaves amongst the bored wind. Every so often a bird would sing, it's song soon swallowed by a demanding silence. The atmosphere was like the feeling you get when you try to trap air in your lungs for too long, but I was used to feeling uneasy.
I took a deep breath and crawled into the dirt mound, positioning myself so that my boots slanted towards the entrance to the tunnel. I slid them in and carefully edged further into the hole until my ankles hung off of the angled floor and seemed to vibrate in the nothingness. I kept going and soon my knees were hanging off the edge too, and then I was lying on my back, my spine arched. I still couldn't feel anything except a solid dirt wall behind me. A small spider crawled onto my arm and I lost my balance for a moment as I panicked trying to brush it off. I slid a little bit but managed to catch myself. I peered out onto the path-- no one was there. I took a deep breath of relief; that would have looked awfully embarrassing.
I decided to turn myself around awkwardly onto my stomach and edge down some more. I felt ridiculous and kept telling myself to give up and go home, and I nearly did... until the tip of my boot felt something hard. I inched in further and put down pressure with my toes-- it was definitely the floor of the tunnel. Only my neck and head were visible from the path now and so I closed my eyes, held my breath and let myself fall inside what I had now dubbed "the rabbit hole."
I couldn't quite stand upright and had to shrink my neck into my shoulders. It was pitch black inside and my eyes refused to adjust so I fumbled for my phone in my jeans pocket and flicked on the small LED torch light above the screen. I looked around me. Dirt, lots of dirt. Cobwebs, tree roots and stones. It smelled like the forest times a hundred and I scrunched up my nose at the richness of it. In front of me, the tunnel kept going but it didn't go straight, it went down and curved to my right a bit. I raised my hand to feel for the edge of the burrow I had entered in and only just felt it. Convinced I could get out again, I followed the path that the tunnel had laid out for me and descended into the unknown.
Eventually, the ceiling got higher and I was able to stand upright. I had been walking for about ten minutes and hadn't encountered anything but a large spider that I had killed by kicking it against the wall with my shoe. In hindsight I felt I may have reacted a little too intensely and almost felt bad for the bug. Here I was in someone else's home, murdering it's inhabitants. I paused as I smelt something new.
Don't ever believe someone when they tell you heat doesn't have a smell, because it does. Like body odour mixed with soft wood, kind of like a sauna. I could smell it now, and soon beads of sweat were sliding down the side of my face. I wiped at my forehead with the back of my sleeve and considered turning back. I didn't.
Still descending, I took off my jacket and tied it around my waist; the warmth becoming more and more uncomfortable. I turned what seemed to be an unnaturally sharp corner and the floor evened out. There was something curious in front of me, but I couldn't tell if it was my eyes getting used to the cellphone lit darkness or if it were really there, so I turned off the light and prepared my eyes for absolute darkness.
Except it never came.
A little ways in front of me the light of a flame was causing part of the tunnel to flicker in and out of grey and orange. Mesmerised, I started towards it. I kept my sight transfixed on the flickering walls and it lead me to another corner. I turned, and the tunnel ended.
If the tunnel was a snake then this was it's head. The ceiling was high above me and I appeared to be in a circular room. Large church candles were everywhere keeping it well lit, and it was warm-- very warm. There was a pool of anxiety rising in my stomach as I realised how strange and unnatural this whole thing was. I felt like I had just stumbled into the den of a serial killer, or a deranged wild person. I had barely even thought about leaving when all the candle flames violently shook and someone stepped from the shadows.
"Don't be afraid," her voice had a slight accent to it, but I couldn't place it. It was deep, yet feminine and I felt myself calmed by the sound.
She stood before me, with a soft look in her eyes seeming as non-threatening as a baby deer. She wore a white linen dress over her caramel toned body and slender figure, though her hips were round and voluptuous, large in comparison to her modest bust. Her hair was black and seemed slightly wet, with some strands clinging to her face and shoulders like dark veins. Her strong jawline and nose seemed Greek in nature though her eyes reminded me of pictures I had seen of Inuits in text books. She wore no make-up, nor no jewelry.
Questions stuck in my throat like the proverbial frog.
"I am Tia," she said, not put off by my silence or what I assumed was a look of fear on my face. She moved closer towards me and although I wanted to take a step back I felt every muscle in my body protest. She brushed her hand against my face, and looked through me. Then, without warning, she kissed me.
Her lips were soft and she tasted sweet. I had never been with a woman before but her touch seemed to seed me with warmth and left me feeling like I had veins of whiskey. Before I could place my arms on her body she pulled away, and I watched the candlelight flicker in her light, golden eyes. I was entranced, but I felt good-- almost giddy, like I was stoned.
"You're so precious," Tia said, in almost a whisper. "You're all so precious."
She was smiling at me, her mouth still closed. I smiled back and her eyes seemed to light up at the gesture.
"I love this world. Don't you? But things are so different since..." she trailed off. "Imagine an endless summer, a paradise-- never too hot and never, ever cold. You could go swimming all the time, feel the breeze on your bare arms... everything is too cold, here."
I nodded, even though I didn't really follow. She was talking about being cold but all I could feel was a thickness of heat against me. It was if I was wearing a heavy fur coat.
"I... I can give you that, I think." She put both of her hands on either side of my face this time. "No, I know it. I can give you perpetual summer. I can give you paradise."
She kissed me, this time passionately, and I kissed back. I felt a hunger growing inside of me, and I threw my arms around her neck and felt the skin of her back. It was smooth and waxy, and I massaged my fingers into it as she started kissing my neck. I didn't know what was happening but I threw my head back. I felt good, I felt strong. Tia felt right.
My jacket fell from around my waist and before I knew what I was doing one of my hands had left Tia and had already unzipped my jeans. I placed that hand in Tia's mane of black hair which felt cool compared to the rest of her. Tia was on her knees now, kissing and biting at my belly. She pulled my jeans down and tugged at my underwear. There was a voice in my head that seemed frightened and shocked, but that voice was faint under the heaviness of my breathing as Tia buried her face between my legs.
I can give you paradise.
Paradise, yes. I felt it. I embodied it, and my legs shook so violently I fell to the floor, doubling over with a painful sort of pleasure. Tia wiped her mouth, and kissed my neck as I gasped for air. That voice I had pushed back was silent, and for a brief moment I felt confused, lost--what was going on? I leaned away from Tia who was staring at me like a curious cat. I pulled my jeans back up weakly, and went to stand. As I did so Tia grabbed my hand, as if to tell me to stop. She pulled me close to her and the skin of her cheek brushed against mine as she whispered in my ear.
"Tell them," she said. "Tell them about paradise. Tell them it is real."
She paused, and I closed my eyes to the sound of her voice.
"Tell them I have risen."
*
I opened my eyes, as the questions I had started to free themselves from my throat. But I wasn't in the room anymore, and Tia was gone. I was lying in the burrow, knee deep in the entrance of the tunnel and right above me a large spider sat in an elaborate web waiting for it's prey.
I abruptly sat up and scrambled out of the burrow onto the side of the road. I looked down at my jeans that were covered in dirt and realised my jacket was gone. I looked around, though slowly, as there was a dull thumping inside my skull. All my limbs seemed to tingle, but it wasn't like when I awoke from my dreams; it was pleasant. I heard footsteps and turned my head to see a man jogging down the path towards me. He slowed as he came closer and eventually stopped in front of me, bending over and placing his hand on his knee for support. He was breathing heavily.
"Are you okay?" he asked me.
I hadn't spoken in a long time, I almost forgot how and my words came out harsh and croaky.
"Paradise." Was the only thing I said.
He wiped sweat off of his head and furrowed his eyebrows.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" He asked, standing upright.
I stood up, though my legs were still shaking. I was about the same height as him and I looked him in the eyes and took off the rosary around my neck. I held it out to him and he received it, looking confused.
"I found her," I said. The words seemed not of my choosing, rather the opposite: they were choosing me. "She has risen." I smiled at him, and he attempted to smile back through a face covered in what seemed to be quickly turning from confusion to fear.
"All right, kid." he said, and he jogged off at a much quicker pace than he had been before. My eyes followed him down the path until him and the sound of his shoes pounding the dirt track had disappeared. The trees were rustling, and I felt a silence inside me. I was warm. Sighing, I started on my way down the path in the direction of my house. I felt tired and heavy yet content. Everything that just happened seemed as if it had happened to someone else, if it had happened at all. Nearly every part of me believed it to be real, though every time I pictured Tia in my head her face was blurred as if I couldn't quite remember it. I looked up at a bird fleeing the forest and flying upwards higher and higher into the sky, and I wondered about what to do next. Perhaps I'd have soup for dinner. It was one of those days.
I continued the descent.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Microcosm (Adventures In a Strange Place Pt I)
I stumble through unlit streets
Slipping on steps and stones
Climbing, reaching
Rewarded by a cosmic view
City lights, a man-made micro galaxy
The blackness of the ocean
Like darkness seeping into stars
frothing at the mouth; hungry
2am and I am making shapes with flames
Masked in a fiery dance
I am hell in mourning
4am and a man in a poncho hands me a cone
His face cracked with skeleton paint
I blink and miss him
The stars are different here
Strange new constellations
Reminding me I'm not at home
9am and I roll a joint
Take 3 sleeping pills
The black ocean seeps into my skull
One by one the stars go out
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